If you’ve ever found yourself saying:
- “If I leave, who’s going to take care of him?”
- “Maybe I’m the problem.”
- “My kids’ happiness is more important than mine.”
- “If I don’t say anything he won’t get upset.”
You’re not alone—and you’re definitely not weak.
But if you’ve been operating like this for months… or years… it’s time to ask a deeper question:
Is this still the life I want to be living?
When Pleasing Others Keeps You Stuck
For so many moms, divorce isn’t avoided because they’re unsure it’s needed.
It’s avoided because they can’t imagine putting their needs first.
Because for years, they’ve:
- Managed everyone else’s feelings
- Tolerated more than they should
- Buried their own truth
- Let guilt, fear, and obligation drive their decisions
And when you’re wired that way—whether from childhood, cultural expectations, or just years of practice—staying in a marriage that no longer fits feels “easier” than confronting the fallout of change.
But at some point, something shifts.
- You start imagining what life could look like if you stopped silencing yourself.
- You find yourself dreaming of another life—because this one no longer feels authentic.
- And when that happens, you’re allowed to listen.
- You can give yourself permission to choose differently.
- You can stop doing what feels easiest, and start doing what feels real.
- And sometimes, the hard thing eventually becomes the right thing.
But to do that, you have to first see where you’ve lost yourself along the way.
So… What Does “Losing Yourself” Actually Look Like?
It’s subtle at first:
- You stop speaking up.
- You downplay your sadness.
- You tell yourself, “This is just what marriage is.”
- You get really good at making sure everyone else is okay—at the expense of your own peace.
Eventually, you look up and think, “Where did I go?”
The Truth Behind the Pattern
You may have thought you were just being a good partner. A good mom. A good person.But over time, that constant self-sacrificing starts to wear on you.And now? You’re starting to feel the impact.
That’s not something to feel ashamed about. That’s something to get curious about.
These behaviors are often linked to what’s traditionally called codependency—a pattern of putting others’ needs, comfort, or stability before your own, sometimes without even realizing it. But let’s be real: this isn’t about slapping on a label. It’s about getting honest about whether the life you’re living feels authentic to you.
Try This: The “Rewriting the Past” Exercise
This reflective exercise helps you gently shift from self-blame to self-awareness—and start building a different future.
Step 1: Choose a moment
Pick a time in your relationship where you stayed quiet to avoid conflict or ignored your own truth.
Step 2: Write the scene as it happened
- What did you say?
- What didn’t you say?
- What did you need?
Step 3: Rewrite it as the version of you who now knows her worth
- What would you say if you trusted your voice?
- If you weren’t afraid of how someone else would react?
- If you were grounded in your truth?
Why This Matters in Divorce
Sometimes, it’s not the divorce itself that’s scary—it’s the idea of disappointing others, disrupting your kids’ lives, or being judged. But the cost of staying silent and self-sacrificing for years on end? It’s your emotional wellbeing. Your sense of self. Your ability to model healthy boundaries to your children.
When you become aware of these patterns, you can start to reimagine who you want to be:
- A woman who doesn’t abandon herself for the sake of others
- A mom who leads with calm clarity instead of quiet resentment
- A partner (future or present) who stands in her truth – and is met with acceptance and respect
Final Word
If this has resonated with you, know this: you are not too far gone. You are not too late. You are not selfish for wanting peace within yourself—not just around you. This isn’t about rushing to divorce.It’s about getting honest, taking back your voice, and asking:
“What kind of woman do I want to be – no matter if I stay or go?”
You’re allowed to be the hero of your own story. And it starts by writing a new page.
