When most women think about divorce, they picture one thing: lawyers and courtrooms.
But here’s what rarely gets talked about—and what could save you stress, money, and long-term regret:
There’s more than one way to get divorced.
And the process you choose matters just as much as the outcome you’re hoping for.
Why the Process Matters
Divorce isn’t just an emotional experience—it’s also a logistical one. And the route you take through it will directly affect:
- How much you spend
- How much control you have
- How much conflict you generate or reduce
- And the kind of relationship you’ll have with your ex on the other side—especially if you’re co-parenting
Rushing into the wrong process—just because it’s what someone else did, or what one lawyer suggested, or what your spouse is pushing for—can lead to:
- Unnecessary legal fees
- Disappointing settlements
- Avoidable conflict
- And long-term consequences that are hard to undo
The Main Divorce Process Options (At a Glance)
There are several different ways to navigate divorce:
Do-It-Yourself Divorce (DIY):
The most affordable route, but it requires cooperation, organization, and comfort handling legal paperwork on your own. Best for very low-conflict situations with simple finances and parenting agreements.
Mediation:
A neutral third party helps you and your spouse work through key decisions together. This process can be efficient and cost-effective—if both parties are committed to fair negotiation.
Collaborative Divorce:
Each spouse hires a specially trained collaborative attorney, and you work through the process together as a team—often with input from financial or parenting professionals. This aims to keep you out of court and preserve the co-parenting relationship.
Full Scope Representation:
This is what most people picture when they think of divorce: hiring an attorney who represents you from start to finish. They handle everything—communications, negotiations, filings, and court appearances. This can provide strong legal advocacy, but it can also be one of the most expensive options and may escalate conflict if not managed carefully.
Trial (Litigated Divorce):
When negotiation fails or safety is at risk, a judge may ultimately decide the outcome of your divorce. Trial is often the most emotionally and financially draining path, and should generally be a last resort.
Combination Approaches:
Many divorces involve a mix of strategies. For example, you might handle some parts on your own, work with a mediator on parenting plans, and hire an attorney for legal guidance or to review final documents. This approach can be flexible and cost-effective if managed well.
Don’t Let Emotion Pick the Process
When divorce feels urgent (and it usually does), it’s easy to make fast decisions from a place of fear, anger, guilt, or overwhelm. That’s totally normal—but not always helpful.
You might feel tempted to:
- Lawyer up fast to feel “protected,” even if it escalates things unnecessarily
- Agree to mediation to “keep the peace,” even when you know deep down your spouse will manipulate the process
- Do it all yourself to save money—even though it leaves you vulnerable to costly mistakes
Before you commit to any path, pause and ask:
- Am I choosing this because it genuinely fits my situation—or because I want relief from discomfort?
- Who’s influencing this decision—and are their priorities aligned with mine?
- What would “informed and empowered” look like right now?
The best divorce process is the one that serves your future, not just your feelings in the moment.
What You Need to Ask Yourself
Okay—your emotions are valid, but they don’t get to drive the whole bus. So let’s move into the part where you get honest about what your situation actually calls for. These questions can be your compass.
Consider:
- What’s the current level of conflict between you and your spouse?
- How much are you both willing to cooperate?
- What kind of post-divorce relationship (especially co-parenting) do you want?
- How much can you realistically spend on legal fees?
- Are you willing and able to take on parts of the process yourself?
There’s no one “right” answer. But there is a right answer for your situation—and you deserve to make that choice fully informed.
Final Word
Divorce is already overwhelming—you don’t need extra stress from stepping into the wrong process.
Before you jump in, take a breath. Ask questions. Get informed. Because the decisions you make before the paperwork even starts? Those are the ones that set the tone for everything that follows.
And here’s something most people don’t realize: you don’t have to file for divorce to start the process. In many cases, it’s actually smarter to begin with conversations, negotiations, or getting support in place before anything is formally filed. Yes, there are situations where filing right away is necessary—but in many others, slowing down can give you more control, less conflict, and better outcomes.
There’s no prize for rushing—only power in preparation.
For a Deeper Dive
If you want help figuring out what divorce path makes sense for your situation, my upcoming comprehensive guide, A Life Reimagined: The Exit Strategy, will walk you through all of this in detail—step by step.
It’s not about pushing you toward divorce.
It’s about helping you make decisions that align with your values, your family, and your future.
