If you’ve typed “Should I get a divorce?” into Google—first, know this: You are not alone.
This question haunts many women long before divorce is even on the table. It creeps into quiet moments, big arguments, and those heavy in-between days when you feel like you’re just going through the motions.
And maybe the scariest part is not knowing what’s scarier: leaving… or staying.
Why You’re Stuck
- Let’s name it: Fear.
- Fear of the unknown.
- Fear of hurting your children.
- Fear of regret.
- Fear of change.
- Fear of being alone.
- Fear of losing everything—or never finding yourself again.
But here’s the thing about fear: it’s not always rooted in reality.
FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real
When you’re stuck in fear, you start believing the worst-case scenario is the most likely scenario. You let uncertainty paralyze you instead of informing you.
What Helps? Knowledge.
The antidote to fear isn’t just bravery. It’s knowledge.
When you understand the logistics, possibilities, and realities of your situation, you start to reclaim your power. Fear loses its grip.
That doesn’t mean everything becomes easy—it just becomes clearer.
Educating yourself about what divorce could look like for you peels back the curtain and can reduce the fear of the unknown that’s keeping you stuck.
But it’s Not Just Fear, it’s Exhaustion Too
That’s right. You don’t just feel stuck. You feel tired.
Bone-deep, soul-level tired.
From holding it all together.
From second-guessing every decision.
From trying to meet your kids’ needs, keep up appearances, and pretend everything’s “fine” when your heart feels like it’s on life support.
You’re not indecisive because you’re weak.
You’re paralyzed because you’re burned out from being strong for too long.
And underneath the question “Should I stay or should I go?” might actually be this quieter question:
“Do I even know who I am anymore?”
Because maybe before you decide what to do with your marriage,
You’re realizing you first need to find your way back to yourself.
Need a grounding check-in? Try this:
1. Who were you before this relationship?
What brought you joy? What did you value? What did you believe about love, about motherhood, about yourself?
2. Who are you now?
Not just the roles you play — mom, partner, caretaker — but the you underneath. How often do you feel seen, heard, or honored in your relationship? In your daily life?
3. Who are you becoming?
If you could whisper something to your future self — five years down the line — what would you hope she says back to you?
This isn’t about making a decision right now.
It’s about remembering that you are not just a mom in a marriage.
You are a whole person — with needs, dreams, and an identity worth protecting.
The “Two Futures” Exercise
If you’re still struggling, here’s a powerful exercise that can give you more clarity and help you out of limbo.
Step 1: Write Two Stories
- One where you stay.
- One where you go.
Write out what a typical day looks like five years from now in each version.
Where do you wake up?
What do you feel when you get out of bed?
What’s your relationship with your partner like?
How do you spend your time?
How do you feel in your body?
What are your kids experiencing?
Step 2: Don’t Judge. Just Write.
The key is to write both stories honestly and realistically. Try to remove any attachment to either path. Let both possibilities unfold without pressure to choose yet.
Step 3: Review Both Futures
- Which one feels more aligned with who you are—and who you want to become?
- Which one feels like a life of integrity, even if it’s harder at first?
This isn’t about finding a perfect path. It’s about reconnecting with your truth—and taking the first step toward it.
All Roads Don’t Lead to Divorce
Sometimes this exercise brings clarity that staying and working on the marriage is the right path.
Other times, it reveals that you’ve already emotionally left the relationship—and now it’s about catching your reality up to that truth.
There is no right answer for everyone. But there is a right answer for you. And sometimes, just seeing your own thoughts on paper—seeing your future laid out—can be the clarity you’ve been craving.
Moving Forward Starts With a Shift in Perspective
You don’t need to have every detail mapped out right now. You don’t need a 5-year plan or a lawyer on retainer. But you do need to start turning toward the questions you’ve been avoiding.
Because even staying is a choice.
And avoiding the question is answering it—just passively.
Final Word
You don’t have to figure everything out today. But you can take a step. Even a small one. And sometimes, that step is simply imagining what could be different.
The question isn’t just: “Should I get a divorce?”
It’s: “What kind of future do I want—and what do I need to know to move toward it?”
Start there. You’re stronger than you feel.
